Cinematical

So we already know that White Stripes' frontman Jack White and Alicia Keys are all set to record the latest Bond song, titled Another Way to Die, but what about those folks who missed the cut. Ya know, the songs that almost were ... or tried to be ... or pretended to care? Case in point: You simply have to check out Joe Cornish's proposed version of the Quantum of Solace theme song up above because it's just ... fabulous. Seriously, not only does he work in a number of plot points that bring us up to date on the story and the characters, but he also works in the title of the movie. I mean, sh*t, shouldn't the theme song for a movie include the title of the movie? If not, you might find people who like the name of the song (ie: Another Way to Die) better than the film's title (ie: Quantum of Solace).

But enough babbling from me -- check out the video above, listen real closely to those captivating lyrics and maybe we can get enough people together to convince Bond producers to use this somewhere in the sequel.

Over the past few weeks, movie ratings have been a popular topic for discussion. While Kevin Smith's upcoming Zack and Miri Make a Porno appealed an NC-17 rating (and won), The Dark Knight was enjoying a record-setting box office take and a pretty controversial PG-13 rating. Once again, we ask: Why is sex more inappropriate than violence? Should raunchy language and a few "thrusts" be condemned while a dude with half his face falling off and a psychopathic, murderous clown get off practically unscathed? And are there other issues at work here? Does a film with a giant budget and an all-star cast get it "easier" than a smaller film with a lesser-known cast and a director who chain smokes profanity?

No doubt there are shady politics at play here (as is all over this fine country of ours), and over the years there have been a number of films that deserved a different rating. Over on OMG Lists, they currently have up a list of six wrongly rated movies; films that, for one reason or another, deserved either a lower or a higher rating. It's a weird system, for sure -- these days, if you're a comedy, you kinda want that 'R' rating because your box office take will most likely be higher. However, if you're a horror flick, you want to try for a PG-13. Strange world we live in ...

But anyway, among the films featured on their list are Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which, at the time, received an R-rating because of a few profanity-laced scenes, but totally could've gotten away with a PG-13. Or what about Jaws ... with its PG rating! Hey, it's a film about a giant shark that devours people -- bring the whole family!

I can't think of anything hotter than Megan Fox as a sexed-up Mother Teresa in an NC-17-rated film. We should just call that Atheist Porn. I kid, I kid. But anyway, the entire movie world was thrown for a loop when this mysterious trailer for a hardcore Mother Teresa flick starring Megan Fox showed up online. Was this an older film Fox starred in before she became hot-famous? Was this leaked footage from Michael Bay's private fetish collection? Or ... was it another one of those fake trailers for a movie within a movie? Unfortunately for all the disturbed individuals who'd love to watch a full-length, NC-17-rated Mother Teresa biopic, the latter is indeed true and the above fake trailer is part of the marketing campaign behind Fox's next flick, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

The fake film, titled Mother Theresa: The Making of a Saint (official website here), stars Sophie Maes (Megan Fox) as Mother Teresa. Maes, we assume, is the name of Fox's character in How to Lose Friends. That film, in case you're wondering (watch the real trailer over on Moviefone) is based on Toby Young's memoir and tells of a bumbling celebrity journalist (Simon Pegg) who's hired by an upscale New York magazine and proceeds to, well, lose friends and alienate people. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People arrives in theaters on October 3. Meanwhile, Megan Fox's NC-17-rated Mother Theresa movie is currently available for download in your dreams.

Beautiful Losers film trailer from beautifullosersfilm on Vimeo.

The documentary Beautiful Losers has been building buzz ever since it premiered at this year's SXSW Film Festival. It nabbed the Documentary Jury Award at Cinevegas earlier this summer and we now have a trailer (above, as well as news on a unique distribution partnership with Nike Sportswear. Oh yes, you heard that right -- Nike has partnered with Sidetrack Films and will help release the film in five markets, while also providing prints and advertising support (according to this indieWIRE story).

Directed by Aaron Rose and Joshua Leonard, Beautiful Losers features such celebrated artists as Harmony Korine, Mike Mills, Todd James, Ed Templeton, Tobin Yelland, Geoff McFetridge and more, and, through their own unique voices, we share with them memories of how each discovered their art and subsequently created an entire movement in the early '90s. From the synopsis on the film's official website: "Beautiful Losers focuses on the telling of personal stories. It speaks to themes of what happens when the outside becomes "in" as it explores the creative ethos connecting these artists and today's youth."

Beautiful Losers opens at New York's IFC Center this Friday before expanding to other cities. Check it out.

With the much buzzed-about Transsiberian expanding to Los Angeles this Friday, August 8th, Cinematical has been given an exclusive clip from the film for you to check out. Above, watch as Ben Kingsley, Emily Mortimer and a four-eyed Woody Harrelson discuss the advantages and disadvantages to living in the old U.S.S.R. while on a Trans-Siberian train ride from China to Moscow. Eventually, our young American couple (as played by Mortimer and Harrelson) will meet another couple and find themselves entangled in a web of drugs and murder. Cinematical's Jeffrey M. Anderson says Transsiberian "is more like a classic thriller in the Hitchcock vein, even taking place on a train as many of Hitch's films did." And speaking of Jeff, he's been all over this one -- check out his review over here, as well as interviews with both director Brad Anderson and star Emily Mortimer. Word of mouth is very good for this one (85% on Rotten Tomatoes), so definitely check it out when the film arrives in your neck of the woods.

Here's the current release schedule:

Aug. 8
Los Angeles (see theater list below)

Aug. 15
Chicago
Washington DC
San Francisco

Aug. 22
San Diego
Atlanta
Denver
Houston
Dallas
Seattle

Aug. 27
Minneapolis

So if this was the halfway mark on an E! True Hollywood Story, we'd segue from "Britney's manager accused of drugging her, gets restraining order issued against him" to "Quentin Tarantino offers Spears a role as a lesbian stripper/murderer in a remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (Boy would I like to be the voiceover guy during that episode!)

Back in January, Variety's Liz Smith reported that Tarantino was interested in Britney Spears for a role in his Pussycat remake, along with Eva Mendes and Kim Kardashian. (Quick, which one of those three never starred in a moronic reality show?) Now, either the Telegraph is re-running a six-month-old rumor in order to grab some traffic, or Tarantino finally made this particular casting choice official. Says the Telegraph: "Spears' character murders the boyfriend with her bare hands before taking the girlfriend hostage. The troubled singer will also have sex scenes with another girl before the drama ends in a blood-bath."

Well, that's one way to get your career back on track.

No word on the other two girls, or whether Mendes and Kardashian are still being considered, but for now we'll assume a club remix of "Baby Hit Me One More Time" will be featured on the soundtrack.

Hey, when did the LA Times become the new Cinematical (ahem ... and ahem)?

We've got such craziness this week with two big summer films landing in theaters on Wednesday instead of Friday. No, you don't have some fancy holiday weekend coming up (sorry cubicle dude), but the Olympics do begin later this week, and, well, some of us really want to get our Women's Swimming 100m Butterfly on. That said, those mid-weekers have a choice between the weed action/comedy Pineapple Express and the sober adventure/comedy/romance/jeans-wearing sequel The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.

I imagine each film has a completely different audience, with one attracting stoners, fans of Judd Apatow-produced content, comedy nuts and the Girls Obsessed with Seth Rogen Association of America (or GOWSRAA), while the other looks to bring in pre-teen and teenage girls (and their parents) who like to watch other girls come of age and explore the rest of their lives ... or something like that. Word has it each flick is worthy of your nine bucks (I've seen Pineapple and can vouch for its coolness), so it's really about which movie fits your cinematic tastes.

So, what are you watching: Pineapple Express or The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2?

We go through a lot of rumors here at Cinematical, some of which eventually turn out to be true and some false. We normally don't spend a whole lot of time on each rumor; if we're in a position to track down "the real truth" fairly easily, we'll do so. If not, we'll let it slide and see where it goes. The other day, Moviehole came out with some pretty big news: That Warner Bros. was in the beginning stages of putting together a Goonies sequel and that some of the original cast would be involved. Pretty BIG DEAL if you ask me -- Goonies is, like, The Bible for some movie freaks (including me).

That said, we simply had to put this rumor through the wringer. And while we were unable to track down Moviehole's source, we did speak to multiple people "in the know" and they claim it's not at all true. In fact, they suggest this Goonies sequel might be getting confused with a film called Treehouse Gang, which is very similar to Goonies and is actually being described as "Warner's Goonies." That film follows a group of childhood friends/explorers who meet up at their 10-year reunion and wind up on a treasure-hunting adventure. Definitely sounds like the perfect Goonies sequel if, ya know, they filmed it when all those guys were in their late 20s, not late 30s.

Then again, perhaps there's a big cover up taking place and Warners really is secretly working on a Goonies sequel. That we do not know. However, I feel pretty confident in saying that it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

At least once every month -- and especially during the recent Apatow craze -- my friend and I briefly discuss the heartbreaking awesomeness that is The Last American Virgin (1982). Not only does this film feature one of the greatest soundtracks in movie history, but also included is this vicious tonal shift that sticks with you (in my case, for years and years ...). The flick came up once again in a conversation the other day, and only two hours later we received an email from a dude who wrote up a solid piece on the history of the Israeli teen sex comedy series Last American Virgin is based on, beginning with the one and only Lemon Popsicle (or Eskimo Limon) as it celebrates its 30th anniversary.

Consisting of nine different films, the Lemon Popsicle series is kinda like the American Pie series here in the states, except the former always focused on the same three guys and whatever horny misadventure they found themselves in at the time. Some suggest Lemon Popsicle inspired Porky's (released the same year as LP's American remake, Last American Virgin) -- which, of course, helped inspire the teen sex comedy genre going forward -- and there's no denying its influence on the future of the teen sex comedy; the pop-centric soundtrack, the awkward set of friends (fat guy, cool guy, nerd formula), the story beats (losing of virginity) and so on.

If you're a fan of the genre (and a lot of us are), definitely check out Oren's article, How To Stuff A Lemon Popsicle, over at Films in Review. What do you think? Without Lemon Popsicle, do you think we'd have films like Superbad?

Finally, we all have a reason to watch American Gladiators sober! Apparently, the Gladiator known as Titan (aka Mike O'Hearn) was on the Todd n' Tyler radio show this morning in Omaha where he blew the mind of Omaha-ians with word that he's pretty close to landing the lead role in Lionsgate's Conan reboot. Slashfilm picked up the news from a reader, then listened to the show and came back with this quote from Titan (who was supposed to meet with Conan folks this morning): "Today's not even an audition. They're bringing me in today just to sit me down and talk. How about that? It's even better than an audition!"

Additionally, Titan also told Todd n' Tyler that he's got a casting session scheduled for Marvel's Captain America, which means they've got the ball rolling over there. He definitely looks the part, but will Marvel really take a chance on an American Gladiator as the lead in a big summer blockbuster flick? I can't see that happening, but you never know -- word is Titan looks good when he ... makes a fist? (I dunno, I'm reachin' here ...)

What do you think about all this? Personally, I don't mind Titan as Conan, but only if this guy plays the bad guy. On the other hand, the role of Captain America is a bit more precious. Would you fans mind it going to a Gladiator, or do you want someone more recognizable?